hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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