So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
