Already got asked if we're dating
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
