I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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