I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize