I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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