Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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