Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
