I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My bed is full of blood and feathers
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
