We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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