I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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