i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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