whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
