What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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