Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
