In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
