Can i not drive my cunt home
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
