i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
