I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
