i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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