These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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