Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
