last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
