you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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