I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
