guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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