she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
