high people should be assigned attendants
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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