woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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