Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
