sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
