We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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