im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
