Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
