Where did you get a picture of my penis
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
