hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
