Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
