i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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