I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
