hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
