i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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