We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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