Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
