WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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