Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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