Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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