Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
