Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
