he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
