whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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