I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
