That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
