I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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