Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
