why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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