She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
