i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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