You're so nebulous sometimes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
