yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I could make wine with my vomit
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
