Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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