I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize