If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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