my soul wont recognize me after tonight
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize