My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
