I cockslap morals
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
