Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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