he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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