What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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