I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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