He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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