i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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