I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
