Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
