I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize