i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
should my penis look like a turkey
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
