I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
