Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
